Feeling guilty, don't want to take kids or hubby

melmd · Post by **melmd** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:59 am

I am feeling guilty for not wanting to take the hubby and kids for a trip I am planning. I am hoping to do a 6 day trip with my sister-in-law for my birthday.
I have been to STJ for my honeymoon and then the last two trips with the whole family (babies, hubby, in-laws, etc). I would really like to go on this trip and relax and stay up late and eat where I want, drink as much as I want

and not have to worry about nap times, car seats, sippy cups, etc.

BUT... I feel so guity leaving them. I know my oldest ( 6 yrs old) would love to go, it would be her 3rd time there and I love being with them, they are my life, but I really want to go sans responsobilty and I have never been on a girls only trip.

So with that said, what do ya'll think??

Any and all advice welcome

krislbi · Post by **krislbi** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:11 am

I can empathize but do not allow your guilt to take over-it's important for Mom's to have some down time! You will be a better Mom for it!
My husband and I make a point to take one vacation a year without the kids to reconnect and truly relax. We always miss the kids but enjoy our time together w/o them (as do the kids-good for them to know that you are more than just Mom...you are a wife, a friend, a sister, etc-you get what I mean). BOOK IT AND ENJOY!!!

flip-flop · Post by **flip-flop** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:22 am

As a mom, the one emotion I try to squash is guilt. I am much happier for it. I have taken multiple trips with both kids and hubby, 1 with just a girlfriend and 1 with just hubby and I. All were great. He is extremely understanding and gets that when we are together I am always "on" whereas he can tune them out, I can't. It is the mom thing.

I cherish the time with them and the time without them! A well balanced mom is a happy mom and a happy mom makes a happy family!

Need2GetAway · Post by **Need2GetAway** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:24 am

Just tell you're family that you're going and that's that. Then have a great time.

(Believe me - I've been a wife and a mother for a long time...)

Steve S · Post by **Steve S** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:32 am

Personally, I think unless you're flush in $$$$ and can bring a nanny along, taking kids under 10 to the Caribbean is not neccessary for so, so many reasons. Frankly, a 6 or 7 year old won't know the difference between Maho beach, the Jersey shore, or even the local lake up the highway, while you as an adult trying to get away and de-stress certainly do.

The hubby question is more about your marital relationship. My wife and I are each other's best buds so I'm not really qualified to comment on the satisfaction you'll gain from an all gals (or guys) trip at this point in your life. Ask yourself "When I get back will you say to your husband "Thank you so much! I had such a great time and my soul has been re-energized" or something more like "It was nice, but I missed you terribly and really wished you were there""?

jaq w · Post by **jaq w** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:36 am

Go!

If your still feeling guilty have hubby & the kids fly down and do a second week!

P-600 · Post by **P-600** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:37 am

We are mom's we feel guilty about everything!
I personally have never been on a girls only getaway. My husband has been on many a golf outing to South Carolina with friends. Hmmmm? I think you should go for it! Can I come?

loria · Post by **loria** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:47 am

can you stay longer? if so, then make a 10 day trip and have 4-5 days with hubby and kids and then 5-6 days relaxing with your friend-- (if you want to get the best of both worlds so to speak and not worry so much about themnot having a vacation too)
We did something like this for my recent birthday--
so you and kids and hubby fly down, then they leave and your friend arrives and you keep hanging!

California Girl · Post by **California Girl** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:59 am

Steve S wrote: Frankly, a 6 or 7 year old wouldn't know the difference between Maho beach, the Jersey shore,

My parents took me to Hawaii when I was 11 or 12 and I definitely knew the difference. And I never forgot it.

PA Girl · Post by **PA Girl** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:06 pm

Steve S wrote:Personally, I think unless you're swimming in $$$$ and can bring a nanny along, taking kids under 10 to the Caribbean is ill advised for so, so many reasons. Frankly, a 6 or 7 year old wouldn't know the difference between Maho beach, the Jersey shore, or even the local lake up the highway, while you as an adult trying to get away and de-stress certainly do.

The hubby question is more about your marital relationship. My wife and I are each other's best buds so I'm not really qualified to comment on the satisfaction you'll gain from an all gals (or guys) trip at this point in your life. Ask yourself "When I get back will you say to your husband "Thank you so much! I had such a great time and my soul has been re-energized" or something more like "It was nice, but I missed you terribly and really wished you were there""?

I disagree on the kids, not ill advised at all. My 5 yo can correctly identify all the islands between PR and Anguilla on a map and knows the beaches by site in picutres. He talkes about snorkelling at Caneel and how the water was "too big" at Francis. Trips (anywhere we have gone) have made a huge impression on him.

Which forum member's child took one look at an East Coast beach and asked "where is the real beach?" All she knew of beaches was the Caribbean. Someone posted that a couple of years ago.

I get your best bud feeling though. Not one of my girl friends gets travelling the way my husband does.

wishiwasinthevi · Post by **wishiwasinthevi** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:10 pm

Steve S- Our family trips, though not exotic(think the Ozarks and a trip to Florida), are what I remember most about my childhood. My husband grew up vacationing at Caneel, and also took trips to Russia, Greece and a few places in Europe. He will never forget them.
My kids first trip to the St John was when they were 10 months and 4 years. They've been going regularly every since, they're now 8 and 12. We are most definitely not "swimming in money" nor do we "take a nanny along", I've never regretted taking them along and have never once felt that the trip was wasted on them, not matter how young they were they've always had a wonderful time and I think it's amazing that they're growing up experiencing the island.

To the OP, if it's something you really want to do, I say go ahead and go. I have taken trips with girlfriends in the past, but never to St John, my husband would really have his feelings hurt if I went without him. I wouldn't feel bad for travelling without him but would feel bad for going to St John without him.

Need2GetAway · Post by **Need2GetAway** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:15 pm

I agree with you Steve, but then I'm old, my kids are grown up, and for us what really mattered about our family vacations wasn't where we went, but what we did together.

Young people travel on their own now - they don't HAVE to do it when they're 5. Plus, we had money saved to send them to private colleges where they graduated debt free. Right now they know what a huge deal that is.

I'm also a big fan of girls only trips. Moms deserve it, big time.

VI_on_my_mind · Post by **VI_on_my_mind** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:32 pm

Well, my kids are older so I don't have to worry abouut that but over the years my wife & I traveled as a couple, (Nice inlaws to babysit) as a family and even a few solo trips. Each experience is different and enjoyable. It certainly does change the "feel" of a vacation and i say go for it.

Now that the kids are older we usually like to travel as a couple to enjoy our time together and remember why we got together to begin with.

The good thing is there is no wrong answer!

Enjoy!

DonnaM · Post by **DonnaM** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:04 pm

GO!!!! I can't wait to be able to travel with my friends. I have 2 teenage boys and our family vacations are wonderful but they are not relaxing for me. I do all the trip planning, packing, make all the reservations and basically herd them and my husband around like sheep. They love it but I can never rest because I have to be the "cruise director". I really hope you go and enjoy this time with your sister in law!

flip-flop · Post by **flip-flop** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:19 pm

California Girl wrote:
Steve S wrote: Frankly, a 6 or 7 year old wouldn't know the difference between Maho beach, the Jersey shore,
My parents took me to Hawaii when I was 11 or 12 and I definitely knew the difference. And I never forgot it.

I have to whole-heartedly disagree hat any kid under 10 can't appreciate it. We do VA beach and we do STJ and my kiddos definitely know the difference. Water temp and clarity can't compare. Don't get me wrong, I love going on my own, but I also adore the memories I've made with my kiddos there. My 8 year old saw her first turtle snorkeling last week ... not something she would experience at the Jersey Shore.

Life is about balance and I need my girl time and I need my family time. I am beyond fortunate that my family gets that and that we can afford it.

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Feeling guilty, don't want to take kids or hubby

Feeling guilty, don't want to take kids or hubby